This condition may produce the low self-esteem exhibited and may explain how the Bear culture developed to ensure that even the heaviest, hairiest, and/or shortest individual can partner. The partners they can attract may be limited and, in response to this limitation, they may be particularly attuned to seek out partners who will not reject them. We speculate that Bears are viewed as less attractive than what is traditionally considered to be attractive.
We concluded that Bears are intensely sexual. Bears had lower self-esteem but were no less (or more) hypermasculine than non-Bears. Bears were more likely than mainstream gay men to enact diverse sexual behaviors (e.g., fisting, voyeurism) and were comparatively more masculine. They were less likely to reject sexual partners and the partners they did reject were more likely to be young or weigh too little (i.e., were not bearish). They reported wanting partners who were hairier and heavier. Our studies indicated that Bears were more likely to be hairier, heavier, and shorter than mainstream gay men. In response, we conducted two large-scale studies of gay men identifying as Bears ( n = 469) to survey their self-reported physical, behavioral, and psychological traits. While qualitative data document such self-identifiers as masculine-acting gay men who weigh more and have more body hair, there has to date been no quantitative analysis of this group’s characteristics. It rejects the normative idealized male beauty revered by mainstream gay men. It's also obvious that there were reasons he stayed with you, and you with him clearly you both have good traits.The Bear community exists as a subculture in reaction to the larger gay community.
He obviously noticed you were fat but chose to pursue you. Well, you aren't a guy, you aren't in his mind. How much overweight? Is the girl body proportional, toned or flabby, healthy or out of shape?Īlso, I've seen girls responding defensively, "That's not true I'm fat and my boyfriend loves me," etc. Who would a guy choose, a thin bald girl, or a fat girl with great hair? A thin bitchy girl or a nice fat girl? And on and on. I think people have lots of traits that make them desirable, or undesirable "fat" is just one of many. Maybe thin girls don't like him for other reasons, but a fat girl is willing to go out with him because she is not getting better offers.Ī couple of other thoughts. Just because a guy is skinny doesn't mean he is good looking, or funny, or nice, or has a good personality. A guy who normally could never get such a pretty girl suddenly can, and adores looking at her beauty.ĥ. But because she is fat, other guys may pass her over. In fact, she could have an extremely pretty face. A girl can be fat and still have a pretty face. Is this due to a lower self esteem? I don't know, and again, I know this may sound mean, but it's true.Ĥ. Or, less likely to resist sexual advances. More likely to want to do something sexual, since she probably doesn't get to as often. Less chance of rejection, and if they do reject the guy, it doesn't sting as much ("Oh well, she was fat anyway.") I know that may sound mean, but it's true.Ĭ. Better chance they will be nice, friendly, not stuck-up, not bitchy, will laugh at the guy's jokes, etc.ī. ("Fat girls need love too!") This means:Ī. Fat girls generally don't get as much attention from guys, so when they do, they are more appreciative. They may be just a little bit more fun to play with, but let's face it, that's usually only about 5% to 25% involved when it comes time to play, anyway.ģ. Is bigger important? What's important is that a girl a) has breasts, and b) gives the guy access to them! Bigger ones just draw more attention and fascination initially. In Brazil, for instance, that is standard.Ģ. Some guys may not want a "skinny" girl with no softness or curves. Why do skinny guys go out with fat girls? There could be a number of reasons.